went to beks place to visit her. and we sneaked out. heh. was in quite a good mood but on the ride home.. i got super grouchy. i think its pms.

and then on the bus, i suddenly realised that its the last day of november. fucking hell. december sucks. it also means 2005 is so bloody near.

suddenly, i lost all my aims in life. or wait.. did i even have an aim in the first place. or rather did i have aims. i doubt i did.

and coming home to realise that i have to change plans on thursday made me even more grouchy. bottom line being, i shouldnt make plans so early. i should just live for the day and not give a flying fuck about other days. all those talks about choping and all.

kyra turns 2 this sunday. and no, ive not gotten anything for her yet. i think the ralphlauren skirt should be okayy.

and substance hasnt called me yet.
and i have no more spice girls spice album.

if given a chance, i promise you i wont.

i pray that the nice lady at substance will find my pair of shoes for me. i tried to be as nice as i could over the phone. now its all up to the phone call. dear phone, please ring and inform me that the staff at substance found the other side of the shoe. amen.

i am so irritated.

i want that pair of shoes from substance. no, infact i want two pairs of shoes from substance. but the pair that i reallyreallllly want, they dont have a new pair in my size. so i said, its okay.. i dont mind taking the display pair. but the hellofabitch salesgirl claimed that they dont have the side of the display pair. apparently her friend misplaced it. what the hell. i dont care. i want that pair of shoes!!

i want the yellow and black lining flats! 169!
i want the green and yellow flower flats! 69!
i want the pink and black heels! 89!
i want the white loafers! 89!
i want the white patent flats! 149!
i want the yellow patent flats! 149!

shite, why are they allll shoes!! i could blow all my pay on those shoes. it would be a really stupid move though. EVEN THOUGH ALL THOSE SHOES ARE BASICS. THEY WILL MATCH WITH ANYTHING IN THE WARDROBE. okay im lying.

oh yes and im gonna get birks online! i want many many many pairs of birks to wear on different days. im going to sell away my few pairs. anyone wanna buy? im a size 39/40. ive got some old shoes to sell too. hardly worn sneakers, track shoes, loafers, flat pumps and all.

no work tomorrow. oh the happiness.
wednesday im working FULL shift. dammit. grrrrowls.
thursday im OFF. oh the joy oh the joy.

shit... december is so near!!! aghhh.

hrrm, was just reflecting.. its already almost the end of november. and december is so near! (yes i know ive said this a thousand times!)

jan was spent working at mambo. bought so many things that i really dont wear or use. went to bali with the family. bought so many necklaces and earrings that ive not worn still. feb was spent slacking. went out for coffee with denise almost everyday. march i was still slacking. and i had zero interest to look for a job. april i worked in tuas. and had practically no life. may i was still working in tuas. friday nights were spent in holland with eve and beks. june was a little bit of play and prep for sch. and also spending my pay on things i dont need. july school started. busy busy busy. new environment. aug still school. slacked. friday nights with the ditzys. sept i was slacking big time. friday nights still. oct i had many projects due. andd i started to go clubbing again. nov i worked. sunshine girl. dec i hope will not be an emo one.. but a joyful one.

thats how fast a year flew past me

about an hour ago, when i was walking home from the bus stop.. i saw an accident at the junction. and the image is still in my mind. i hope the guy is okay. dear God, i pray that you will heal the guy's leg.. and also i pray that you will be with him and his loved ones throughout this tough period. Amen.

in july this year, my cousin met with an accident. quite a bad one. the other guy ought to be shot. the fucker was using his bloody cellphone while he was driving. and he crashed into my cousin's car. asshole.

today at work, there was this very irritating customer who wanted to view the life set of motorola v3. which is the $1000+ phone. (its a super gorgeous phone btw. super thin. superrr nice.) anyway yes i was saying... that indian customer wanted to view the phone to test the......... ALARM CLOCK!!!!!!!!! fuck lah with 1000+ u can get a fucking good phone and prolly 100 alarm clocks. cock. and he took SUPERRR long looking at the phone. and he kept testing the alarm again and again and again.

i am a plastic machine. oOoo.

i feel so drained. i feel so sick. i feel so tired. i feel so alone.
christmas is less than 4 weeks away. and i am being such a grouch.

last night i drank with my sis. baileys. oh the excitement! haha. our very first white handbag from mzwallace. ooo i cant wait.

i hate living in my own world. i know things are not okay. i just act as though everything is all merry. i feel so scared. about so many things.
now i sound like some superr sad girl. ack. fuck.

work sucked today. big time. irritating customers. office politics. never quite liked these kinda things. it was like a temp vs fulltime shite. crap lah.

i was asked by my sister what i wanted for my 18th.
i wanted to reply, "i want everything to be okay. i want the family to be together and i want us to all be happy."
but no one can do this for me. no one. nothing can be done.
so i guess its time i start thinking about what i want for my 18th. material stuff. now i sound so materialistic. dammit.

i just watched loveactually (the uncut version) on dvd.
cried myself silly. i hate it when i get all emo and cry over movies. the last time i cried during a movie was...... some cartoon! sheesh. i didnt even cry watching ladder49 even though i know some guy who did.

love actually is all around.
to me, you're perfect and my wasted heart will love you.

christmas is only FOUR weeks away.
and i am not one bit excited. (or would you say.. excitement excitement!)
i am so bitter.

have you heard danny and jerrold's rendition of silent night?
i want to go to eastwoods for sleepovers.
i want to go to bedok for supper.
i want you to bring me out during my holidays.
i want you to tell me to stop being a lian.
i want you to ask me the "are you a lesbian yet" question.
i want to see the pictures of us you have in your book.

i was just looking at the calender earlier on and it suddenly dawned upon me that its already the 25th november. which means, only a month away from christmas. 25th. never liked the twentyfifth. :(

my heart aches.
it has been exactly eleven months since my brother left for newyork.
no pictures, those few emails, even lesser phone calls really dont make up for him not being here. exactly eleven months ago.. i went to the airport even though my brother made me promise him that we wont send him off because he doesnt want it to be a sob sob affair. once i stepped into the airport, this wave of sadness filled me. even before i saw him, i was on the verge of tears.

in september, my brother mentioned that he might be coming back this december. but no, changes have been made and he doesnt know what he'll be back. last month, i dreamt that my brother came back without telling us. seeing him in town was such a torture.

i really dont want december to come because i will be reminded of so many things that happened last year. how can i enjoy christmas this year when last year i was at the airport sending my brother off. how can i even enjoy my birthday this year? i didnt really enjoy my 17th birthday last year. all i did was spend $1000 bucks in a day. buying things that i really dont need at all. went for the mom's side family bbq. and went home because the next day i had work at fucking mambo. and because of the stupid phone connection thing, i made two groups of people wait for me.

i just dont like december.
i wont like it unless my brother comes back.
i never liked reality.
now, i sound like a stupid spoilt brat.
turning 18 isnt really a big deal. just a whole truckload of responsibilities and prolly the ability to enter clubs using MY own id. oh the excitement. can you feel my eyes rolling.

december, i know you're coming in 5 days time.
can you go away please?
i dont like you even though there are supposedly so many joyful dates in december.
christmas. bek's bday. kor mel's bday. pa's bday. new years eve. li ang & ping's bday. irene's bday. baby kyra's bday. my eighteenth.

even after realising that so many people prolly love you december, i still cant make myself love you. or even anticipate your coming. i just want you to bug off.

It's been said that it's often the ones we love whom we hurt the most. Paradoxical, but plausible, given how easy it is to hurt our loved ones.

We are often gracious, tolerant and accommodating towards casual friends and acquaintances, even people we hardly know. That could be because we want to
maintain a positive impression, in view of possible future collaboration or aid. It also could be because we don't wish to appear boorish, or because we are fearful of negative reactions.

Our loved ones though, are often not so fortunate. Because we are certain of their love for us, we tend to abuse that love and take it for granted.

We may do selfish things that bring them distress or use harsh language when
we're upset because we know that they will probably bear it and forgive us. Or we may not express our love enough or spend little quality time with our loved ones because we assume that they'll always be there.

But our loved ones feel pain and neglect as keenly as any one of our friends and colleagues. Even more so, since it is someone they love who is dealing out such thoughtless afflictions. And like everyone else, they may not be around for the rest of our lives.

This is a poem written by an unknown author, about the disturbing reality of how we treat the ones we love.

They say the world is round,
Yet I often think it's square,
So many little hurts we get
From corners here and there;

But there's one truth in life I've found
While journeying East and West,
The only folks we really wound
Are those we love the best.

We flatter those we scarcely know,
We please the fleeting guest,
And deal full many a thoughtless blow
To those we love the best.

wednesday was spent, bitchingshopping with cain.

i went to try on this top from blueprint, it was like one of those ohsoperfect tops. everything fits, except the boobs part. SUPER UPSETTING. the boobs part for the top was sooo huge. and then i saw this super nice corset lookalike top at tangs. so i thought it looked rather small.. i went to give it a try, again.. everything else fits except the boobs part. how upsetting. and all cain said was, ask me to stuff tissue in it. ahhH!

daphne was a pissedoff girl today. yah before 12.
haha. thank you all of you for tolerating me. i am so horrible i know. pissed off pissed off.

mambo mambo mambo, the place was superrr packed today. to get in and out of phuture took like ten minutes. grrrrowls. zouk was equally packed. dancingdancingdancing. buayyybuayyy. lol.

i just got home and im still super awake from my kopi peng earlier on. lalala~

no work next thursday!!
oh the excitement!!!!

been busy with work.
and im so so so elated that i have wednesday+thursday off this coming week.
im gonna bring tash for a movie.

how 'excitement'.

AND I HAVE SOMETHING TO ANNOUCE. LISTEN TO ME LISTEN TO ME.
CALL ME CALL ME CALL ME BECAUSE NOW I HAVE FREE INCOMING CALLS ALLLLLLL DAY!!!!!!!shit i sound so cheapo. but who cares! bahh!

the past two days ive been super hyper.

oh shit, december is so freaking near.
i still dont like december.

hospital to visit beks.
it was super funny. whats the difference between a slut, a bitch and a whore?
*little girl cover your ears please.*

-while reading the cleo article on sextoys-
"what do you do with this?"
"do you actually put it in?"
"no no, you just see.. touch and suck."
"this lady is so easily satisfied."

and while the fulushou meeting...
yes yes.. just remind me how everyone went to mambo last night.
and i was stuck at home.
yes, rnb songs were on my playlist.
no, i didnt go to the kitchen to drink chocolate milk, apple juice, sprite.. and try to imagine that its baileys, sexonthebeach shots and gintonic!

next week, im working on all days except wednesday and thursday.
HOW TIMELY!!!
i chope all of you all over!! =)) oh the excitement.

on a not so cheery happy note, today i saw enlai at scotts.
he reminded me so much of my brother. =(
xmas, please go away.

fly me to zouk now. wait... chinablack sounds good too! haahha.

its wednesday night and im at home! =(

why must all of you guys choose to go clubbing tonight?
denise is going.
catherine is going.
wai is going.
all my khakis are going.
and im at home.

i am so so so upset.
fly me to kimtian now please?

anyone wanna work?
admin work in orchard.

24th november till 10 december.
6bucks per hour.

call me call me.
okayy? or email me at daphnee_lim@hotmail.com

anyway for the birks.. check out www.ladonna.de

its wednesday night.

and im going to stay at home tonight.
yes daphne.
you are NOT going to sneak out tonight. firstly, mom is not stupid. secondly, you will be in deep shit if you even try to sneak out.
you are going to stay at home on a wednesday night for the first time in four weeks. OKAYYY???
you are not going out. you are not going to mambo. you are staying at home!!!!!
never mind if denise is going and you havent clubbed with her in 3 weeks.
never mind that catherine is going even thou her parents are in singapore.
never mind that you have no work tomorrow.

just mind that your sis and mom will literally kill you if you even think about going clubbing again tonight.

hospital.
queensclose.
holland.

lets talk about sex babyyyy.

fingers, or dicks?
cut, or uncut?
gay, or straight?

wahlao.....

oh man i love receiving emails! they make me ohsohappy.

my sister. my brother. evelyn.

yayyyy! hahah. this sounds crazy.

i just woke up....... ive been such a pig lately.

ouchh. went to visit beks today with eve. going to sgh brought back so many sad memories. my heart aches at the thought of them.

i dont like this heartache feeling. it sucks.

it was mountfaber again. to do what? watch the champion.

jessy, i dont care you're mine!
wai, dont you love us anymore?
denise, can you take off on wednesdays pweeese.
wenting, can you go to other place to club.. then i will meet you!!
evelyn, friday.... i pray for....... haha.
beks, liuxinghuayuan sounds good? eve and i will cook!
cat, do your work please woman..

im cranky.
and i feel sad.
awwwwww.

it has been almost a year since my bro left.
and you know what? i dont remember a single time he called us.
its always us calling him.

fuck.

once again, the weekend is gone!! =(
i feel like i have no life. weekends im busybusybusy with work.
i desperately need a haircut. and i can go on forever.
whats with the sudden fetish with chinablack partnerincrime?

why do people get divorced? is it really that hard to live with one another?
what about love? L-O-V-E iloveyou and youloveme.

actually today is a happy sunday. i dont know where the divorce part came from.
i have this very bad habit of smiling at my phone when im reading my sms-es.

so many things to do..
and i suck at time management.

save me please.

tasha got 10/10 for her spelling test.
i am so proud of her. =)

i am going to speak hokkien. no matter how many times allan comes and whisper to me.. "stop trying daphne.... you cannot speak mandarin or hokkien."

today my sis, bro in law, and the girls came to visit me at work.
so the second time my sis came into the shop, she passed me a cup of drink.

me: byeee jie.. thanks!
sis: -smiles- byeee. -walks away-
customer service manager (CSM): whoaa shes your sister??
me: yah.
CSM: is she married?
me: yah. and with two daughters.
CSM: aghh dammit.
me: -rolling my eyes-

---------------------------

CSM: hey help me put my nametag properly can?
me: -helps him pin on the tag.-
CSM: -starts moaning-
me: yuck. please stop it. it sounds super disgusting.
CSM: dont bluff..
me: whatever.

CSM: hey help me put again can? just now not straight.
me: wahlao. -helps him again-
CSM: want to see more or not? -shows me singlet from collar-
me: not even. please.
CSM: ohhh. you want to see the abs is it? -trys to show from side.-
me: yuck. go away.

MEN.... shouldnt they all be locked in cages????

how come i see everyone in westmall.
dont go there PLEASE... PLEASEEEEEE!!!!!!!

my phone is dying on me. =((((

with less than 4 hours or sleep, i am going to be a super grouch today.

dont come near me.
go away. i grrrrrrowl.

ditzys on a thursday night!! 

ooo just got home.

zouk was superrrr packed today.
it was crazy.. and very scary infact.
the queue was superrrr long.

thank goodness we didnt need to queue.

i am the queen of fiveten!

manymanymany shots.
dancedancedance.

no more for the time being!
enough!!

why is everyone going to mambo tonight?

except.......................

hahhaha. okay catherine is going to kill me.
i can whine about this for eternity.

1G 1G 1G!! calvin's riding.. lets go! and this friday plazasingapura okayyy! for jimmy's modelling thing! haha the 2 guys in my class are like superstars.. haha. okay im just cranky.. bahh. liquidroom?? 

"we're living in uncertain times and more and more i find that i am aware of just how fragile life can be.. He's more than a story, more than words on a page of history.."

thank you miss low. =)

if he's cute, it doesnt mean that he'll be good.

and if he's good, it doesnt meant that he'll be cute.

=p

i spent an entire day at home sleeping.. reading.. reading.. sleeping. snorttt.

suddenly i realised that its november. novembernovembernovember.
i am almost eighteen!!!! while allllllll my other friends club with their own id, im still using some green card. and helloo, whatever happened to the days we passed id around and all. wahlao all lousy friends. haha. never mind.. wait.. till new year.. i will party till i drop. shop till i drop. bitch till my teeth all drop. haha. okay that was really random but i was talking to a friend online and she came up with that phrase.

turning 18 means im going to stop growing taller.
it also means i will just continue to be fatter.
and fatter and fatterfatterfatterfatter.
super depressing. number one, i am already so short.
number two, i stopped growing vertically.. but horizontally is not a prob.

shit, does turn 18 also means that your breast will stop growing soon?
or will it continue to grow till i turn 69.

WO SHI YI KE FEI NU HAI. WO KUAI YAO CHENG WEI SHI BA SUI LE!!! LAO LE LAO LE LAO LE!!!!!!!!

cranky. i need more sleep.

i want to be a fag hag. hahaha. that reads, i want to hang out with gay men! i want to be the straight girl that hangs out with gay men!! wait.. maybe im the not straight girl that hangs out with not straight men!!! oooo. 96889688968896889688!!!

im looking for my muse.
are you gonna be my muse?
do you wanna be my muse?

star me kitten. star me babbbby. rem rem rem rem rem.

yesterday i had a suddenly urge to cut my fringe.
i wanted bangs. bang bang bang bang. then i will be like every other girl on the street with bangs. ohsocoolbangs. my ass lah. i wanted to cut my own hair. no maybe someday i want to shave my hair bald.. and stay at home for three months and do nothing but sleep, read, eat, watch dvds, read the papers.... sounds good eh?

fulushou!!!! i miss you two................. hurry hurry hurry lets go out lets go out. lets go clubbing and dont give a heck about any other things. okayyy? i love you two and sec four days wouldnt be the same without you two.

partnerincrime you broke my heart...!!!! =(((( can you hear my whining? bloodyhell you have it best. go clubbing you walk home. lucky lucky you! chou nu ren i miss you. my silly dancing pattern partner.

ditzs!!!!!!! wednesdaywednesdaywednesday!!!!

teeveeeee time. cranky crankyyyy. booo.

fuck lah i already dont have enough wardrobe space.
the fucking 4 doors are not enough!

so dont put anything in my room.
dont dont dont..

go away go away go awayyyyyyyyy.

dontreadon. dontreadon. dontreadon.

no work till next weekend.
not sure what im gonna be doing during this 5 day break.

i need to sit down... and start to think where my life is now.
or rather, what am i doing to it.

mom is getting quite pissed about my sudden increase in late nights.
especially wednesday nights. and weekends.
is it a yearly yearend thing for me to have late nights and etc etc? or am i just allowing myself to do it? shit. im not making sense.

im in this whole iwanttoparty iwanttohavefun ilovelatenights nicotinecomefillme funfunfunfunfunfunfunfun clubbingclubbinglatenights thing. and im not doing anything about it.

the bottomline of this is, daphne never changes. daphne will never change. she never did.
daphne never learns.

it is very very very upsetting to know that someone read your email, and yet he doesnt reply it. now i sound like some love sick girl who sent an email to her crush and he doesnt reply. but fuck no it isnt some guy. i feel like.. im trying to hard to know him. yet, i cant handle knowing the truth. i never could.. doubt i will. anyway. yah i feel like im trying to open a book with a lock. and the lock is not with me. and i will never in near future have the key. but then again, if i have the key with me.. will i be able to handle the contents of the book? i think i cant even get past the introduction. im so fucking contradicting i want to kill myself. but then again, i will never have the guts to kill myself.

j-o-y. come come come come come.

tantantantantantantantantan. tweeeese.

i want to have a fun 18th. okay.. fun is the wrong word. i want a joyful 18th.
i hope that after i turn 18, the urge to underagesmokeunderageclub will go away. since i always want things that i cant get. and when i get them, i dont want them.
somehow the cheap thrill is there. fuck. almost 18 already leh daphne. still talking about cheapthrills. when will you ever grow up???? you are accountable for your own actions you know.

today, an 18 yearold chinese blond hair girly guy came into m1. he was looking for any phone that enables him to record his own voice, and use it as a ringing tone. and his pants was super tight. and my friend noticed that he had a hard on..... whatthefuck? i think prolly too many guys in the shop. and yesterday, there was this hairy indian man who had a very very very hairy buttcrack. it was sooooo.... egh. and they call me the ang-moh speaking girl at work. everyone else speaks to everyone else in mandarin. but to me, they make an effort and they speak in english. but im trying. im trying to communicate in mandarin. soon enough... hear me speak mandarin. im sure i will be goooood.

my knees are dying on me.
im old already. 18.
//////////////////
thats eighteen for you.

this year.. on my birthday cake.. i want 18 candles. no not one big one and eight small ones. i want eighteen big ones. i will take note of this and inform my sister. haha. i miss my sweetsecrets cake. last year at my family's (moms extended side) annual bbq, i had a cake from bakers inn. i can have all the cakes in the world but none can ever match my sweetsecrets.

i havent had a haircut in six months. my hair resembles a bush now. bushhh.
i spent the first 5 months this year having funny haircuts and funny hair colors. and for the rest of the year, i had horrible limpy plain colored hair. how upsetting. how depressing.

i need a new phone.
no i dont need a new phone.
i want a new phone.
i want i want i want.
everything you also want.

no weekends.
no weekends.
no weekends.

no life no life no life.

so sad so sad so sad. =(((((((

bahhh. last night i felt super down.
kinda like a heart ache feeling.
hahaha now i sound like some love sick girl.
but NO NO NO. it aint some oh i miss him so much love sick heart ache.

it was more of a...
???? whyyyyy. and no its not some guy.

and now, all im looking forward to is...
clubbing next wednesday with almost everyone i love!!!
and thursday rest.. friday just like good old times.

oh how i love my life now.
and yeayeayea. forever year end night life.
daphne you're horrible you know...
and again, i am in search of my most comfy covered shoes.

its been ages since ive shopped..
hrrrrm. but no no no daphne. you have enough. e-n-o-u-g-h. OKAYYYY???
yeaaaa.

how will i survive without kopi peng. homemade barley.

i am going to be very very very fat. fatter than what i am now.
then i will have to buy new clothes.
fat clothes.

and maybe new shoes to match fat clothes.

i want a gucci necklace.
i want the cross one that i didnt get last year.
i am in search of nice loafers. nice nice comfy go-with-every-outfit loafers.
hahaha. everytime i buy sth, i tell myself.. its a go-with-every-outfit item.
and it will, somehow. okay?

my dad came back from china.
and bought me a very pretty necklace.
but its superrr heavy. i will be 10cm shorter if i wear it.

i love buying necklaces. and bracelets. oh yes and earrings too.
but i dont wear them. so im going to start selling them online!!! yahoo? ebay? bahhh.

i wonder who is the clever person who invented tampons.
i wonder if he won a noble prize.

all that alcohol.

ooooooooo.

tantantantantan.

HAHAHHA.
work sucks.
ride on me babbbbyyyy.

daphne, you possess an interesting balance of hemispheric and sensory characteristics, with a slight right-brain dominance and a slight preference for visual processing.

Since neither of these is completely centered, you lack the indecision and second-guessing associated with other patterns. You have a distinct preference for creativity and intuition with seemingly sufficient verbal skills to be able to translate in any meaningful way to yourself and others.

You tend to see things in "wholes" without surrendering the ability to attend to details. You can give them sufficient notice to be able to utitlize and incorporate them as part of an overall pattern.

In the same way, while you are active and process information simultaneously, you demonstrate a capacity for sequencing as well as reflection which allows for some "inner dialogue."

All in all, you are likely to be quite content with yourself and your style although at times it will not necessarily be appreciated by others. You have sufficient confidence to not second-guess yourself, but rather to use your critical faculties in a way that enhances, rather than limits, your creativity.

You can learn in either mode although far more efficiently within the visual mode. It is likely that in listening to conversations or lecture materials you simultaneously translate into pictures which enhance and elaborate on the meaning.

It is most likely that you will gravitate towards those endeavors which are predominantly visual but include some logic or structuring. You may either work particularly hard at cultivating your auditory skills or risk "missing out" on being able to efficiently process what you learn. Your own intuitive skills will at times interfere with your capacity to listen to others, which is something else you may need to take into account.

happy 5th natasha wong ling!!! i love you even thou we fight all the time. im serious. =)

yesterday was a good day.
a very joyful day i would say.
everyone had fun at tasha's birthday party.

and i had lotsa fun playing soccer and all the little things.

today, i was called fucking stupid.

fuck.

all i want for my 18th birthday is joy.

joy joy joy, will you come and fill my life?